~ Starlitez Galaxy ~

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The same feeling chances upon me again.
The sense of losing direction,
the sense of losing everything.
Leaving me with no envisagement of what the future looks like.

I have always asked myself, "What am I doing? Why am I doing this?"
Everytime, it just seems to be the best possible path to take,
regardless of whether it will be valued in future.
Though the process is tedious and sometimes quite meaningless,
at the end of the day, I guess there will be a sense of achievement.
A little while more to go,
which signals a new stage of my life.
What more can I ask for? Just do my best and come what may...

***
Ever been caught in the middle?
It's a suringly 'yes'.
Always... forever...
Kinda tired of it...
It has been hovering around me ever since....
Just feeling so helpless that I can't do anything to reverse the situation.
It seems to be permanent...
Being the middleperson feels like you are being squeezed.
You've got to listen to this person, while you've got to withstand the other.
This is the little "Private & Confidential" secret within me,
that nobody knows of, not even the closest ones to me.
Ever thought of telling this to anyone?
Well... sometimes, I really hope to,
it will be good if someone can share this ongoing burden of mine,
but I just can't bring myself to say it...
perhaps... in the long road down the future,
someone is able to break through this barrier in me,
and maybe till then, I can be freed...

***
Losing everything...
I think I'm just not good enough.
Not good enough to be the person that others would like me to be.
My thoughtlessness, my stubborness,
my self-centeredness...
No matter how I tried or wished to try,
I always would fail some day...
How to compensate now?
I'll try to curb my negative thoughts and feelings...
Or maybe..
I just need some assurance first...

~~mngtalk~~ ^___~ _{12:58 PM}